Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
