Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
