I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
