I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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