bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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