Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
