Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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