Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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