I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
