I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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