I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
