It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
and you fell through a lawn chair
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
