sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
