u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
