theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
