Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
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