i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
