I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
