i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
