his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
