dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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