just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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