Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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