Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
