I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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