i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
