so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
