yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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