i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
