Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
