If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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