Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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