being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
