Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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