It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's the barista slut.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize