office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
