is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
