Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
