Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
