i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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