like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
