Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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