I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
