it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
