So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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