when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
