I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
