put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
