They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
