I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
