he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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