Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
