Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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