tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
