Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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