My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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