Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
