somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize