I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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