Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
