I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
