Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
