You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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