I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
