wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
