My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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