just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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