Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
