ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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