dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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