In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
