Got a toothbrush?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
