I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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