When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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