Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
