Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
