So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
