Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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