Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
