I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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