i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
