Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
