Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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