Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
