I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
