I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
