Soap is not a condiment
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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