My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize