it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
