Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
