So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
