I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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